I guess I am a bit upset lah today. Not really in the mood to smile. But soooo cannot be moody and sad, hubby's coming to town to spend the week with me. Too bad, I don't have anymore leave to be taken to spent it all with hubby at home. Pity hubby, he will have to spent the day all on his own. So.. I expect him to cook dinner for me.. Can I? He is a good cook by the way, lucky me eh? hehehe.. Well, I must say, he is full of suprises.. Marrying him and learning about him is a pleasant suprise to me.. so far, so good..

Well, anyway somebody actually triggered a very bitter memory from my past. Well I had a male friend (let's name him X) long before I was courting dearest hubby. And the break up was pretty bitter despite the fact that he had never meant it to be anything serious. Well, obviously he had never utter the word love to me, never mentioned anything about getting married, never asked my feelings towards him, and vice versa. And when he blurted out that he was engaged and all the while I was nothing but a friend, I guess my hopes for him became apparent, and my dreams were shattered, like vanished and thinned into the air. I actually had feelings for him. And at the point of time, my knees felt weak, I was shivering and all the unpleasant feeling of someone beaing heart broken fell upon me. Please Allah, I don't want to feel that way any more. Anyway, he vowed that he will eventually marry me, perhaps because I was so heartbrokened. So I guess the words uttered was out of pity. But I was so over it. I told him not to ever keep in touch with me after that. And I changed my phone number and stuff. I didn't even invite him to my wedding. Wicked me.

Anyway, I guess he thought I still liked him and was playing hard to get. So he stalked me. Followed me home from work. Called my dad at 3am. And told me, he will make sure I will never marry anybody except him. Wicked him?

I was so scared. Anyway, I moved on. Met hubby. Got married. And am happily married now and forever (Amin!! & Alhamdulillah). Anyway, my mom was a bit traumatic with my experience. And she's also traumatic with the fact that when I am ever married, I will no longer be her little girl and will spend most of my time with hubby. Of course lah kan. And she has been miserable, I can tell.. from the moment I got engaged until this noon, learning the fact that hubby is coming to town and I will spend most of my time with hubby. So she called, she said she's not feeling well. And she said it is all X's doing. He must have had some spells that turned mama's life upside down. Of all things, if he is ever to do anything, it would be to me, not mama. He has never even seen mama. Does not even know mama's full name. And, he is a religous scholar. I am pretty sure he knows from right to wrong.

I want to push him put of my mind. The memories blotted out of my mind. And yet mama wants me to say out his name..

So.. I am pretty upset now. Mama wants to know his full name so that a reversed spell could be made. And believe this particular bomoh so much.

So now, forgive me Allah.. I am a stubborn child. No way I will utter his name and bring back all the bitter memory to life. Please Allah, bless mama and give her serenity.