Melur Desa

Bitter me

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 06:40:46 GMT

Salams,

I guess I am a bit upset lah today. Not really in the mood to smile. But soooo cannot be moody and sad, hubby's coming to town to spend the week with me. Too bad, I don't have anymore leave to be taken to spent it all with hubby at home. Pity hubby, he will have to spent the day all on his own. So.. I expect him to cook dinner for me.. Can I? He is a good cook by the way, lucky me eh? hehehe.. Well, I must say, he is full of suprises.. Marrying him and learning about him is a pleasant suprise to me.. so far, so good..

Well, anyway somebody actually triggered a very bitter memory from my past. Well I had a male friend (let's name him X) long before I was courting dearest hubby. And the break up was pretty bitter despite the fact that he had never meant it to be anything serious. Well, obviously he had never utter the word love to me, never mentioned anything about getting married, never asked my feelings towards him, and vice versa. And when he blurted out that he was engaged and all the while I was nothing but a friend, I guess my hopes for him became apparent, and my dreams were shattered, like vanished and thinned into the air. I actually had feelings for him. And at the point of time, my knees felt weak, I was shivering and all the unpleasant feeling of someone beaing heart broken fell upon me. Please Allah, I don't want to feel that way any more. Anyway, he vowed that he will eventually marry me, perhaps because I was so heartbrokened. So I guess the words uttered was out of pity. But I was so over it. I told him not to ever keep in touch with me after that. And I changed my phone number and stuff. I didn't even invite him to my wedding. Wicked me.

Anyway, I guess he thought I still liked him and was playing hard to get. So he stalked me. Followed me home from work. Called my dad at 3am. And told me, he will make sure I will never marry anybody except him. Wicked him?

I was so scared. Anyway, I moved on. Met hubby. Got married. And am happily married now and forever (Amin!! & Alhamdulillah). Anyway, my mom was a bit traumatic with my experience. And she's also traumatic with the fact that when I am ever married, I will no longer be her little girl and will spend most of my time with hubby. Of course lah kan. And she has been miserable, I can tell.. from the moment I got engaged until this noon, learning the fact that hubby is coming to town and I will spend most of my time with hubby. So she called, she said she's not feeling well. And she said it is all X's doing. He must have had some spells that turned mama's life upside down. Of all things, if he is ever to do anything, it would be to me, not mama. He has never even seen mama. Does not even know mama's full name. And, he is a religous scholar. I am pretty sure he knows from right to wrong.

I want to push him put of my mind. The memories blotted out of my mind. And yet mama wants me to say out his name..

So.. I am pretty upset now. Mama wants to know his full name so that a reversed spell could be made. And believe this particular bomoh so much.

So now, forgive me Allah.. I am a stubborn child. No way I will utter his name and bring back all the bitter memory to life. Please Allah, bless mama and give her serenity.

I feel it in my fingers

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 15:31:57 GMT

Salams..

I guess I am boring myself with the details of my marriage life. But I am still an excited bride, how can I stop myself from babbling about it. Hubby will be coming over to my parents' place for a week. And, I will try my best to become a real wife to him.. Sounds funny huh? But since the day that we got married, I have only cooked for him once. Itu pun a recipe, I learned by heart from his mom. Alhamdulillah, he seems to enjoy it, though it is not as delicious as the one cooked by his mommy.

More exciting, our wedding photographer actually had our song for the wedding slides published on his website. I was smiling until the end of it. Am so very happy to see the pics. I hope the link is still kept here until my children has grandchildren, so that they can see how happy their great granny was on her wedding day, hehe.. silly me.

pic from our Langkawi honeymoon trip

Life has been a bit tiring. I travelled almost every other week to meet hubby. But am very happy. I would think that all the tears and sacrifices was worth it. Hubby and me.. we are still far apart. When we meet up, we made the most out of it. And.. I go crazy when he's not by my side. And I feel like my tears welling when we became out of reach. I am still very much in love with him.. I feel it in my fingers.. I feel it in my toes. Love is all around. And I thank Allah for this beautiful bond of love through the pure sacred tie called marriage.

I am less temperamental now. More patient.. but I guess a bit more sensitive to other people's feelings. And despite all, I am more independent. And I feel more.. and more blessed now. More positive vibes seems to engulf around me. I just love this feeling I have now. Alhamdulillah.

I do feel a bit stress when people keep on asking, "dah ada ke".. though. Alahai.. I wish for it too.. Tapi so far.. entahla.. When the time comes.. it just does kan?

So till another boring heart pour of mine, so long...

M I S S I N G H I M

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 12:32:36 GMT

Salams..

So here I am again with my most common intro line.. Stereotype of me lah.. But can't help it.. So here it is.. It has been awhile since I last blogged, hehe.. Sejak lepas kawin ni lagilah malasnya nak blog. Am not into making excuses though, am simply too tired and too lazy to blog, despite the fact that I reached home before 7pm everyday from office now.

Alhamdulillah life has been great. Workload is simply getting more and more bearable each day. Despite the burgeoning workload kat office. Must be 'doa suami' kot.. Have always reminded him, "Abang doa kat lin tau"... So.. I guess the prayer actually works... It's not that it hasn't worked before, but I am felling more blessed now lah.. that I am married.. Alhamdulillah.. I'd say, this is one major decision that I would never regret of in life despite the sacrifices that I had to make, I'd simply go through it again..

And am still having cold feet meeting him after 2 months and two weeks being married to him. I go googoo gagaa.. missing him, each time we bade each other goodbye on sundays.. And my heart still thumped wildly each time I see him after being aprt for few days.. Funny though. Perhaps because we only meet up on weekends and public holidays. I wish we don't have to be so far apart.

Anyway, I'll be seeing him this weekend and we have not seen each other for the past two weeks.. And I must say, it has been a miserable lonely two weeks

Ngantuk

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 05:09:59 GMT

Salams..

Demam hari ni.. Not just hari ni .. infact, I have been feeling feverish like this since I got back from my inlaw's house. Maybe it is the bus trip I took. Or maybe the hot and humid weather. It has not rained since Monday. And I know, it sounds horny.. but I miss my hubby terribly uwaaa..... And the possibility of meeting him this week is 30 - 60, the higher chances of not.. This is not good.. Married but only get to see each other eye to eye once a week.. worst case scenario, could be once a month. And I feel like crying already

Ngantuk sangat ni.. I want to sleep so very badly.. But am sitting directly 180 degrees where my boss is seated. So, she's actually watching me blogging now. And she's totally aware that I am not in the mood today. But should I be afraid of that?? Hehehe.. bet I should kan.. But I am soooooooooo not in the mood to do anything but fall asleep.. and this blog entry today, is soooooooooo not me..

Help me Allah. Let me be a stronger me.. The me I used to be once upon a time. Where has she been???

A new year... a new life begins

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 11:25:58 GMT

Assalamualaikum..

So I have not been blogging for a long time.. I was busy then, arranging this and that for my solemnisation ceremony and wedding reception. And I grew tired of it, but was not able to pause back and relax.. Alhamdulillah it is now over, and I am a happilly wedded wife of my ever loving husband and am totally swept and filled with love for him and I am loving every single moment of it. Please Allah.. let this happiness remains and do grant us sakinah and iman. Amin!!

Please Allah.. Grant you utmost love to the Palestinian.. I am swept with guilt that my happiness came in about the same time the Palestinian were in major misery. Please Allah.. may they be rewarded with syahid and jannah. Amin.. amin.. Ya Rabbal 'A lamin.

p/s: more wedding pics at my fotopages

Jeng.. jeng.. jeng..

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 13:54:20 GMT

Salams..

Sibukla sangat sejak akhir-akhir ni... I hope when the big day is finally here, I will not collapse.. In less than 2 weeks time, this guy will be my legally wedded husband Macam tak percaya kan? And I am soooooooooo in love with him. Please Allah.. make this feeling last forever, Amin... Alhamdulillah all the preparation is almost done now. Baju bertandang dah siap but not as expected It was supposed to fit me nicely, lose and flow nicely, tapi tailor tu jahit ketat sangat, I find it difficult to breathe in it. Padahal it was supposed to be a baju kurung.. Anyway, I asked for it to be altered. Tak nakla nampak macam sarung nangka on that day . Ok, perhaps I still need to put off that extra pounds so that the baju would look nice on me.. Bad.. bad me.. putting the blame on the tailor kan?

Ponder..

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 04:33:32 GMT

Salams..

Days passed by.. Closer to the big day. Am not sure what I am supposed to feel though. Even worst, am not sure whether I am prepared to be married to this total stranger. We have never lived together, we went out less than 10 times despite the fact that we have known each other for the past 9 years. And most of the time, my mom accompanied us. We learnt about each other through letters, emails and phone conversation. Bit shallow of me to accept marriage proposal through such minimal details ke? Alamak, am beginning to freak out.. The more I think of it, the scarrier it became..

Countdown

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 05:43:57 GMT

Salams..

Alahai ngada-ngada lak nak countdown kan . Approximately 48 more days to the BIG DAY. Banyak lagi benda-benda yang petty-petty yang still nak solved. Alhamdulillah managed to get a caterer yesterday. Believe or not, baru nak carik caterer.. Nasib baik dapat, kalau tak terkial2 la nak kena masak and coming from a very small family, with relatives all very far away.. it would not be an easy task.. Anyway, baju bertandang je belum siap lagi. Slept at 2-3am everyday to finish off the deco on the hantaran myself. Tiring, but I enjoy doing it . Macam tak percaya je the day is finally approaching after all the obstacles.. And least expect that the friendship that ignited 9 years ago will turn into lifetime partner, all praise be to Him, Alhamdulillah..

Okess... enough said.. May each and everyone of us be showered with Allah's blessing. Amin!!!..

Susah nak lena

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 19:08:05 GMT

Salams..

Alahai.. dah lewat sangat ni, tapi mata ni susah pulak nak lelap. Petang tadi went for two open houses kat sini. Makannya tak seberapa sangat, tapi macam sengkak je perut ni. Tak biasa manjakan perut dengan makanan berlemak & berminyak (except my daily intake of ice cream & choc cake), bila hari ni jamu perut dengan sate, nasi beriani dan yang seangkatan dengannya terasa loya je tekak ni.

Look what I've got here. This has always been on the wall of Opah's house. Tapi dulu the wordings were not very significant to me. Tapi now, it sort of left a deep mark on my heart. Betullah what is written there, " Tidak berapa orang yang melihat dan mendengar rintihan kami itu, untok orang yang melarat, agak kuranglah duka dihatinya, apabila diketahuinya kami sepenanggong dengannya, untok orang yang bersedeh hati, sedarlah bahawa kami pun turut meratap dalam ratapnya, 'Allahu Akbar ".. And I am proud to say that this was actually written by my dad. Those in the pictures were my aunties and uncle during their younger days. Tempat lahir tu rumah Opah lah.. and this is what it is nowadays.. Old and abandoned.. and not well taken care of. My not so healthy uncle now lives here and he refused to allow anybody to clean up the mess around the house.

And he refused to remarry after his wife died almost 40 years ago. Some people resent changes in lfe. Some people welcome changes in their life. Some people thinks that what they have bring them so much comfort to them despite others resentment, thus refuse to allow changes to happen.

I welcome changes into my life.. but I am scared of the consequences of the changes. And my life will definitely change exactly 2 months from now. It will definitely affect my parents and my brothers. And I hope.. and wish.. and pray.. that they will all support me and help me through making this big changes in my life.

Gosh!! I am sooooooooooooooo scared. Please Allah.. help me through this. I am excited.. apprehensive.. and worried.. and terrified.

Salam Eidul Fitri

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 08:43:57 GMT

Salams..

Salam to all brothers & sisters.. Rasanya macam belum lagi terlambat sangat nak wish all Selamat Menyambut Hari Lebaran. Alhamdulillah, sempat juga bernafas sampai ke hujung ramadhan, moga Allah panjangkan umur untuk merasa sekali lagi nikmat berada dalam bulan Ramdhan. Macam bes je rasa bulan puasa. Don't know how to explain, but it is a clean, pure feeling. Takde nak rasa apprehensive or doubt about anything. Peaceful yang amat sangat je. Come Syawal.. dah rasa macam serabut je otak ni. With the wedding coming pretty soon.. and me macam not prepared je. Borang pun belum complete.. Kad pun belum tempah. Baju pun belum siap.. Kasut pun belum tengok lagi. Caterer pun belum cari.. Malasnya lahai.. Kalaulah semua tu falling down from the sky.. takyah nak pikir-pikir dah lagi. Akad je.. sah.. sah.. haa.. settle semua.. .. Pemalas betul lah kan??